Told no too often?

They say most kids get told no way too often. But maybe mine get told yes way too often. I think that by trying to compensate for the fact that we can't give them a lot of toys and expensive gadgets, we say yes way more than we should.
Case in point. Yesterday my kids came home from school, in much the same way as freak summer storm. Here for a moment, total chaos and then gone. When the seven year old asked to go, I thought saying yes wouldn't hurt anything and the school counselor said it is good for her to interact with others with out me. So away she went. Then the 5 year old was so sad because he wanted to go to a friends and why couldn't he go and ....So we called up a friend and asked him to come over. But the 5 year old ended up going over to his house (they have bunnies and chicks and lots of fun stuff we don't and won't ever have). Then it was just me and the little ones again. Not bad, they have been told yes, their desires have not been thwarted, all is good.
Until they come home.
Then there is total and complete melt down. First the water splashes on clothes while they are watering the garden. Doors are kicked, shoes are thrown, names are called. Then swimsuits are put on so he can water without getting his clothes wet. Only while he was throwing a fit, his little brother finished the job. Melt down number 2. Time out, spanks. Try again. It didn't matter what I said or did the fits came one right after the other over just about anything. In between he played a really cute game  with his stuffed chicks.
5:30 rolls around, child number one was supposed to be home at 5 so I go out to look for her. Oh, she has been home, just hasn't bothered to actually tell me she is home. We talk about this oversight and tell her it is time to eat. I don't fully understand what happens next. I go inside, thinking she is right behind me. None of my kids follow. I set the table, go back outside and try to get them in. Two follow, but when I turn around they are right back outside. I go outside again. There are a ton of kids on my front porch, most over the age of 8. A bike, not ours, is chained to my front porch and they are trying to unlock it, but no one knows the combo. I pull my kids back inside and get them washed. Go back outside, get rid of all the kids. Come back to find that my kids have attacked the food like animals. And are in the midst of meltdowns.
Dinner goes so well that I put them all to bed as soon as they are done. How well? For example:
Me: "That is enough salad dressing."
7 year old: rolls her eyes at me and in a super snotty voice "it's not salad dressing, its ranch."
Dinner conversation consisted of arm farts and demands for me to do something (which I refused).

I can't help thinking that if I said no more often, if I enforced chores and responsibilities better then my life would not spiral out of control so quickly. That I would not feel like I was fighting an uphill battle. Maybe if I stopped trying to do fun things and have special outings they would appreciate them more and stop demanding them. Maybe then they would appreciate the yeses I do say.